Sometimes I talk to myself
and I like it
I talk to myself sometimes. Actually a lot. And I’m guessing you do, too.
Statements like…
“I should be over this by now.”
“I’m too busy/ smart/ sparkly/ burnt out on this bullshit to keep obsessing about my weight.”
“I’m too old to be obsessing about my figure like I did when I was a teenager.”
Sound familiar?
I have something to tell you. When it comes to healing your relationship with food and your body, you can’t force your brain and heart into submission. That’s just not how it works.
I’ve indulged in enough self-loathing and judgement to know- no amount of shame- including shame on top of shame- ie) feeling bad about your body and then feeling bad about feeling bad about your body- can turn you into the self-assured body-positive goddess you wish you could embody. (And body positive is a term I’m not a fan of, but that’s a post for another day).
When these mean, judg-y thoughts creep in, instead of trying to push them out, there’s something else you can try. It involves not just talking to yourself, but also feeling into yourself and it’s rooted in self-compassion.
I suggest reading through the steps, and if it’s something you want to try, carve out at least ten minutes, find a quiet space, and go for it.
Get curious
1| Observe your thoughts and beliefs around food, your weight, and your body. Maybe even write them down so they’re really explicit.
2| Start with one thought or belief—doesn’t matter which one— and ask yourself where it came from. Think or journal about the first time you recall having this thought. Where were you? How old were you? Who said it or where did you read it? Did you pick it up from many sources, repeatedly or was it one person who imparted it on you one specific, memorable time?
When you were young, you grasped onto this belief because it served a need you had at the time. Maybe you felt you had to lose weight to win your parents’ approval. Or you had to maintain a certain size to be on the cheer squad and to stay connected to your friends. Or you got the subtle but clear message from your grandma that good girls don’t take seconds.
Whatever the belief, and wherever it came from, you internalized it because you didn’t have the adult brain, resources and coping skills you have now.
Acknowledge and nurture your younger self
3| So take a moment to acknowledge that that belief served your young self and imagine yourself at whatever age you were when you this belief took root. Fill in as many of the sensory details as you can: What do you see, taste, smell, hear, and feel? What is your younger self wearing?
4| Tell your younger self you understand that she needed this belief to feel loved, accepted, safe, or whatever she needed at the time, but that you are here now to take over. Let her know you’re an adult and you’ve got this.
5| Ask your younger self what she needs. If you can see you and her in your mind’s eye, get on eye level with her as you ask.
6| Imagine her expressing her needs to the present you.
7| Visualize yourself giving that to her.
8| Finally, let her know you appreciate her efforts but they weren’t serving you any longer. Reassure her that she can relax now and stop working so hard to protect or help you.
I’m not one for magic bullets, but this practice, also known as Internal Family Systems or Parts Work, has been transformative for me and many of my coaching clients.
If you try it, let me know how it goes. I’m right here on the other side of the reply button!
xo,
PS If this resonates, I think you’ll love my group coaching program.
You don’t need to navigate the path to food freedom by yourself.
.. Which is why I’m launching a group intuitive eating coaching program for active women this fall.
Are you…
Tired of stressing about food and exercise?
Sick of letting the scale determine your mood?
Wishing you could break out of the binge/restrict cycle?
Ready to experience a peaceful relationship with your body?
Worried that intuitive eating would mean weight gain—and are ready to accept that restricting is no longer sustainable?
…SAVOR is for you.
Questions? Reply to this email and ask away!